Don't Tell Comedy
Уровень C1· 369 слов
This will be quick. I'm going to say a couple things about women and African Americans and I'm going to get out of here.
>> [laughter] >> A friend of mine has a rule with dating women. We'll start with women. A friend of mine >> [laughter] >> has a rule with dating women then we'll get to you. A friend of mine HAS THIS RULE WITH DATING WOMEN. He only dates women who are taller than him.
That's a real rule my friend has. Only dates women who are taller than him. I couldn't believe it. I asked him why. The reason is he wants tall kids. That's why he does it. Totally blew my mind. Changed my whole perspective on dating cuz from now on I'm only dating women with huge dicks.
>> [laughter] >> Yeah. My kid's about to have a hog, all right? I'm about to give this kid a life I've only dreamed of. >> [laughter] >> I am thinking about getting a kid. If anyone wants to collab.
>> [laughter] >> I'd like to have a kid and listen, I'll have a kid with any woman here and I mean that.
>> [laughter] >> I'm serious. I just ask two things. That's all I ask. Just two rules. That's reasonable, right? Rule number one, this might sound obvious but it's a deal breaker. Rule number one, you have to and I'm serious. You have to let me come inside of you. That's rule number one.
>> [laughter] >> All right? If you don't want that, I'm not interested. That's just the way it works. It's a circle of life. Deal with it, ladies. Rule number two, I'd like to adopt.
>> [laughter] [applause] >> Those are my two rules. I would like to adopt. Adoption, that's the way to go, right? Cuz I view kids like I view cars. If I want a new one, I'm not manufacturing it myself. No, I'm going to the dealership and I'm picking out my favorite one based on speed and color.
>> [laughter] >> I refuse to bring another slow Jewish baby into this world. >> [laughter] >> All right? I'm getting a Kenyan and we're going to regionals.
That's what I want. I want a boy. I want a fast boy. >> [laughter] >> Yes. And I don't know if that's okay to prefer the gender of your own kid, but that's my preference. I prefer boy. Do you have a preference? You had a kid today, boy or girl, what are you picking? >> Girl.
>> Girl, yes. All right. And look, don't get me wrong. I I I don't want to seem like a bad guy. I I I'd have a girl if she were trans, but I'd love a boy.
>> [laughter] >> Controversial opinion, I think women deserve to get paid more than men. Yes. Yes. >> [cheering] >> Yes. [applause] Whatever it takes to get you guys to stop complaining, I'm on board 100%. >> [laughter] >> Take 40 cents. I don't care. >> [laughter]
