The Relationship That Should NEVER Become a Marriage

There are patterns I get to see from reading hundreds of letters from the people who watch this channel. [music] And one very bad sign that someone is losing themself in an unhappy relationship [music] is that they write to me about their partner and how wonderful they are. And all of this is

leading up to [music] also telling me how their partner isn't treating them well. Now trauma might be an explanation for someone cheating and stonewalling and treating you badly, but it's not an excuse. And calling it trauma could be just a mechanism you're using to gaslight yourself that how they're

treating you is okay and you need to keep putting up with it. My letter today is from a man who is dating a woman whose trauma wounds are damaging the relationship. And he writes, "Hello Fairy.

I'm a 33-year-old man and my girlfriend, who's 32, are in a relationship for a year and 2 months now. And we live together. I proposed to her 3 months ago because I really thought that everything will be great with her."

All right, I've got the fairy pencil. I'm going to circle things I want to come back to. But let's go through and see what's going on with David.

"She's an architect. She's super smart. She likes books, she's disciplined, she has a good job, and she's cool, but she has cool but sometimes weird friends. I like them. She didn't have a good childhood. Her father was emotionally absent and was manipulative and didn't care about her. Her mom was super clingy

on the other end and was like a helicopter parent. The parents divorced and she has cut off contact with her father.

This is all the stuff that sort of leads up. I start to go, "What What is What is this letter writer about to say? Why are they going so into detail about their partner's past? What's it about to justify?" And he says, "She doesn't know how to show emotions or show love."

And he says he figured that out after a long time. But that was her defensive system because every time she showed emotions her father would do something to harm her. I'm an artist, graphic designer, and I do all kinds of creative things, and I'm currently looking for a new job because I lost the one I had a

month ago. I have a great loving family. My mom and dad still love each other and live happily. I have a brother and sister. I had my own share of problems and traumas as we all have, but most of them I managed to fix with therapy and similar methods.

Okay. Our relationship started kind of weird. We met on Tinder, maybe bad, he says, but we live in modern times.

First few months were awesome and we clicked super good. Texting, sexting, and all the good stuff. Sex was great. She told me about her childhood and etc.