Why You Shouldn't Meow at Women | Nick Murphy | Stand Up Comedy

It's been a pretty surreal, emotional week for me this week. My dad got out of prison on Tuesday. Thank you. [laughter] I think they're going to catch him. But it is true that he got out. He's got like three years left. But yeah, that guy had a little bit of a problem with something called cocaine. Maybe you guys

have heard of that. Which, by the way, I don't judge people for [ __ ] like that. You want to do a little powder after the show? It's the weekend. Knock yourself out. Go crazy. You know, just test that stuff for me, please. All right. It's 2026. Everybody knows there's fentanyl in half the goddamn batches now.

>> So, if you can do some blow, just make sure you test it, okay? Or or you go second. [laughter] I think that's the more reasonable move, right? Who has time to test at a fun party? So, I think you just bring another guy.

That way, somebody's like, "You got a testing kit for You'd be like, "Yes, Kevin." Guy's a [ __ ] animal. He loves this [ __ ] [laughter] >> We love cocaine. Where I'm from, town I'm from, it's called Atlanta, Georgia.

>> Hell yeah. >> See, right away. Hell yes. [laughter] That's right. Our Uber drivers are doing cocaine in Atlanta. I don't know if you heard about this guy. He got fired from Uber cuz I guess one of his customers could tell he was on blow like during the ride, you know. I saw that and I just thought,

what gave that away? [laughter] What gives away the cod up Uber driver? How does that guy show up to your house?

You know, are you Nick? Yeah. [laughter] Get the [ __ ] in. GPS says 15 minutes. I think I can get us there in three. [laughter] All right. Very good. Very good. If you got that one, seriously, give yourselves a pat on the nostril cuz not everybody gets those. [laughter] That's the part I didn't like about the

story that he snitched on the driver, you know, cuz to me, he got them there faster, [laughter] right?

If that's me, guys, I don't give a [ __ ] If you're my Uber driver after this show, okay, you can do three lines of blow and knock over 19 people on the way to the destination. [laughter] If you get me there in half the time that the app said that you would, the worst review that I'm going to leave is Dave

was a little chatty, but he really knew his way around the city. [laughter] >> [applause] >> four stars. [laughter] [snorts] Good-looking crowd here. So many good-looking people. Thank you guys for that. We got to look at you guys, too, you know. [laughter] I'm a former athlete myself. Used to

play a little bit of everything, you know. But my main sport, the one that I made the closest to being pro in, the one that I felt the most athletic when I was playing was chess. [laughter] All right. [laughter] Chuckles every time.

[ __ ] you. [laughter] Let me guess. Oh, chess isn't a sport. Okay. How come they made me wear a helmet? How about that? Every game.